


lost in you

by stilljunhui (acyria)



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, I wrote this with Jihan in mind but it fits any pair in Seventeen really, M/M, angsty kinda, jk very angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2017-03-26
Packaged: 2018-10-10 22:26:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10448895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acyria/pseuds/stilljunhui
Summary: I almost told you that I love you.





	

I almost told you that I love you.

Shortly after practice once, with your voice still ringing in my head. There was a tug in my heart that was there the moment we met. The moment you said your name wrong out of nervousness and laughed. The relief in your face when I smiled and said it was okay, and welcomed you into the group. You asked me what name to call me. I said I didn't mind. You sang that day too, and I found your voice sweet. I didn't think I would reach the point where I would ache to hear it; a day didn't feel complete without it. I almost said it when you hugged me good bye after practice, and I didn't want to let you go. 

I almost told you that I love you.

The moment you broke down in front of me crying. Doyoon left. Samuel too. You cried hard, saying you didn't want it to end. You had a dream, you whispered between hiccups as I tried to get you to calm down. Your shoulders were still shaking. You were going to debut. We all were. We were going to be Seventeen, one day. You didn't like how members were leaving. You didn't want to leave. You looked so fragile that day, like a flower about to break, and I just wanted to hold you. I told you it'll be okay. I didn't say anything more. You stopped crying eventually. 

I almost told you that I love you. 

Seeing you smile and jump for joy when we were told to debut. Our rings were on our fingers. We were going to be Seventeen, all thirteen of us who stayed, together. Everybody hugged each other. I may have imagined that you hugged me a little longer, and it might have been wishful thinking. You told me that we did it- we finally did it. Maybe I should have said it then, amidst the screams of joy and the tears of happiness, but I was too shocked myself. I think I was crying too. I just agreed with you and said the same- we did it. We'll keep going. 

I almost told you that I love you.

But my heart broke when I saw you with someone else. Smiling. Laughing. I thought about how you did that with me too. But that moment was different. Were you happier? Most definitely. I could see it in your eyes. And in his. You know how I knew you loved each other? You barely noticed that I was  there. Just like how I don't see anyone else but you when we're together. I didn't need to see how your arms were linked and your fingers entwined. I didn't need to see that kiss. I walked away, because I knew I should.

I almost told you that I love you. 

I didn't think we would ever fight. I couldn't imagine myself getting mad at someone so sweet. I don't think I was ever really mad. I couldn't imagine you raising your voice to anyone, but you did. Why was I drifting away? Why wouldn't I hang out with you anymore? Aren't we in the same group? Aren't we best friends? Why wasn't I answering you? I didn't think you would cry again. I felt guilty, because wasn't it all my fault? All because I love you, when I shouldn't. Still. I wanted to hug you. I wanted to tell you. I walked away. 

It took a while, but now I could speak to you without my heart aching again. I could look at you without my heart racing. We were back to normal, you said, patting my back. That boyish grin was on your face. You were glad. I guess I was too. I missed that sweet voice. I missed being that shoulder you cried on- when you were stressed, sad, or panicking. Somehow you still went to me first instead of him. I'm not sure why, but I never questioned it. I know you still smile brighter around him, but I'm no longer longing for it now.

I almost told you that I loved you.

Now I know I never will. 

**Author's Note:**

> If you like my work and would like to support me, please consider buying me coffee! https://ko-fi.com/stilljunhui


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